It’s show and tell time. This weekend I went down the Emerald Rain Belly Dance Competition. My instructor, JaMaya, was competing and myself and Dana were guest dancing. I haven’t performed since September and I was feeling a bit worried, but I was flattered that Melody asked me to dance and my ego trumped my fear. I only had about a week to prepare so I performed the short drum solo that I’d done at Dana’s Island Hafla last fall. So, what I have here are some photos of us from the Emerald Rain. There was video taken but I don’t have it yet.
All in all, I’m glad I participated. I can see that I need to practice a lot more and work on the little nuances like my hands and my costuming. I stepped on my skirt half-way through and winged through a spin to get it back up above my booty. That could have been embarrassing. Eek.
In general, I felt good on Saturday. However today, I feel bloated and stiff and not happy with the way my body feels. I’m feeling quite heavy and displeased with certain parts of my body. Granted I am retaining water right now and feeling pretty low about my body as I write this blog post. I’m struggling with my new outlook about dieting. I’m looking forward to the books I ordered last week and I hope they will provide an insight and an avenue to feeling better.
I am I currently carrying more weight than I ever have. I’ve been working with a trainer since May (except for Dec and Jan), and I was doing well. I joined weight watchers in October and gained 15 pounds. Something about those damn points totally messed up my head. I was eating moderately before that and I soon as I introduced the meetings and counting I ballooned up. I’m done with that method. It has never worked for me. Nor does cutting out entire food groups. Nor does following any strict regime that requires morbid obsession with specific food choices. I’m done with that. There has to be a better way and I don’t think it is through my calorie intake (ultimately I understand calorie in/calorie out, that’s not what I am talking about). It has to be done through my head. Through an understanding and a relationship with my body that isn’t toxic and deprecating.
I understand the Pope declared pollution as a sin. I agree with this. God gave us this beautiful earth to dwell. We should treat it with reverence and honor. I believe the same is true for our bodies. Our physical form is a temple to honor the magnificence of God. So, I can no longer pollute my body, but nor will I deny it or co-exist without understanding its needs. This is my responsibility.
This is the journey of no longer being under the weight of my weight. I’ve given my mind permission to understand the implications and needs of my body. I’ve also given my body permission to release the excess weight it doesn’t need. I’m making peace with it and I’m moving on.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Well, I think you look positively boobielicious in that outfit, so if this is the most weight you’ve had, it’s lookin’ pretty hot.
My biggest concern is your health. I want your grandkids to play with my grandkids. As long as you’re healthy, I’ll always think you’re beautiful!
March 14th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Syd, as motivated as you are, weight watchers is the last thing you need. I remember when you used to take your ipod and go running, in the rain! A little bit of weight gain just means you’ve got alot more for the lovin’. When you’re really determinded, and know it’s time to lose it, you will.